Becoming Thelma Louise

I think I am becoming my mother. Thelma Louise. Honest, that is (was) her name. And she was both of them to some degree, the women in the movie Thelma & Louise, played by Susan Sarandon (Louise) and Geena Davis (Thelma). Many of you may only remember Brad Pitt as J.D. in the movie, in his first significant role in a major Hollywood film. Or maybe you recall the ending scene in the movie, when they drove their light blue 1966 Thunderbird convertible off the cliff to escape their troubled, caged lives, and floated downward (fade to black). I love that part of the movie. Probably the best all-time chick flick ever. Honestly, my mother was a bit of both of them: both confident and not; logical but not. She was a walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction. At least, that is how I saw her and how I remember her in my life.

I really beleive I am becoming my mother, at least part of me is in some degree or form. Just little things, habits, ways of doing things and even sometimes a perspective or two. In addition to the approximatly nine months we spent in a very close relationship, we only influenced one another for another 17 years and 8 or nine months (give or take a month). I admit that during that first nine months I had little or no control over my life and the situation, and was completely dependent and relatively obedient to my mothers wishes for the most part. I actually had little contact with my father during those nine months. I no doubt only responded to such things as diet, space concerns and energy levels. My rants and raves were limited.

In the outside world, I am told, I quickly learned to exercise my control of my world and all situations, even prior to finding the words to define my thoughts, wants and needs. Being a relatively cute baby (of course!) and adorable small child of "older" parents, I apparently learned quickly to exercise my control of situations with stellar results. My sister JoAnn, can certainly confirm this to be true. I pretty much got what I wanted and did anything I wanted all through my childhood and throughout my school years; sometimes with only the stomp of the foot, a frowny face, or shedding a few tears. As time progressed through those next 17 years, I honned my skills and apparently I became quite an expert at getting what I wanted when I wanted it. I thought that was the way life was for everyone. My world was very small.

And then I was gone. More than a thousand miles away, with no cell phones, or email, or text messaging or video conferencing to tie us together. All that passed was an occasional phone call (when I had a phone or access to one), mostly when I needed something like money. Or an occassional letter or card with a ranting or two between us - my mother and I. My mother's anger at me was always evident, whether it was a phone call or a letter. Thelma could convey an angry and disappointed voice loud and clear on the phone as well as in her letters and cards. And the feelings were mutual - my anger and disappointment was directed back at her. I only ever initiated the contact when I wanted something. I grew up that way - in the shadow of all that anger and frustration and disappointment. I thought that was the way it was for everyone. It is all that I knew. Once I left, I quickly learned that wasn't so: Life didn't hand you WHAT your wanted, WHEN you wanted it.

It was Thelma Louise who taught me to rant. She ranted, and sometimes raved. I am pretty sure that is true - although it was not referred to ranting at that time in my life. Thelma Louise's rants and ranting more resembled the concepts associated with criticisim, admonishment, accusation and condemnation. At least in the later years of our cohabitation, after I began to exercise my own form of ranting, i.e., that I found my voice, or better said that I connected my voice to my thoughts and began to form opinions of my own. So as this thing called the aging process advances - and it is advancing quickly - I have learned to become congnizant to minimize the negatives of life, aging and the things that life constantly hurls at you. I am really just talking about life's everyday challenges, and how we address them as individuals: what we let 'roll off our back, what bothers us, what we beleive in and not, and what we take up as a cause or purpose or belief. And what we teach our children.